Okay, so today is going to be a little bit different. Its February 22nd. Approximately 7 and a half weeks have passed since i started this blog, and you know what? Not much has changed. Aside from the naps growing out of my head, everything is the same.
I want to say things have changed but they haven't. I don't read my bible. i hardly ever pray. I haven't been to church since last August. And yet i put up this front about how I'm a good christian, and i'm getting better and things are so much better. Honestly, i feel like the fakest christian out there. I'm putting up fronts to make people think i'm all hardcore, when in reality, i'm just a punk.
Okay, now that that angry rant is out, i've got some confessions to make. I've got issues. Today i let my anger get the best of me, over something completely stupid and superficial. I did everything that Jesus would have warned me not to do, all for something stupid. Everything that happened, i deserved, i brought upon myself, and i had no reason to react the way that i did.
On top of that, i'm still the same lazy selfish person that i've been trying to change. So what do i do? How do i change? Sometimes, i feel like saying screw it and quit trying to change. Fortunately, i've got enough brains not to do that. I know that as long as i trust in God, He can change me. The question i need to figure out now is how do i let go?
Simply put, i've got a lot of issues. I've got a lot of things i need to change. I know i'll never be a perfect father, i know i'll never be a perfect husband, shoot i'll never even come close. I'm okay with that though. I don't want to be perfect, i just want to be the man, the father, the husband that God knows i can be.
I'm tired of being fake.
J
You know, J, sometimes things work on God's time, too. It could be that you're being prepared to move forward, but aren't in a place to move forward yet. As for the anger thing, you are human and prone to mistakes. What makes you better than your anger is learning from those situations. Don't let this one be something you only regret, let it be something you learn from so you can react differently next time. You're a father with two young kids- I dunno how people do that AND still make it to church on Sundays! If you don't get the chance to physically be in church, I recommend watching an online sermon. http://www.sdrock.com/ is the church I'd go to on occasion when I lived in SD. I love the pastor- he's very dynamic and down-to-earth. Maybe that's a start for now?
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