So i'm back, and i guess God knows what He's doing. It's funny. I had a post all written up, almost completed and was going to finish it. At the same time though, i could feel that God was calling me to write this post as well. I had a couple of drafts already started to come back to the blog, one almost done and one blank. So i was going to try and delete the blank post, and i deleted the other one by "accident." The reason i say "accident" is because i'm not really sure it was one. I'm pretty sure that this is what God intended all along.
Anyways, as you can see this post is called For Shame. This is going to be another hard topic for me to write about, and for some of you, it may be pretty hard to read, but this is what God has put on my heart.
So no beating around the bush, this post is about pornography and my struggle with it. If you were to ask any man, i would say that 99.9% of them would openly admit to watching porn. Of the other .1%, i would say that probably half of them are lying and the other half are not. For most men, married or not, there is nothing wrong with this. There is no shame, there is no guilt. It's just something that they do.
For me, as a Christian, it is a sin. For me, it is something that i do not want to do. For me it is a struggle, a fight, a battle that has been fought for years. Unfortunately, for me it is also a battle that i lose....a lot. Temptation is always out there for men. From pictures to movies to books to magazines to jokes with friends. All of these things can trigger sexual thoughts that lead to searching out pornography. And once those thoughts are there, they are almost impossible to get rid of.
That is why i am writing post. Because I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of the battle. I've prayed, i've confessed, i've read my bible, i've prayed some more and yet still i stumble. I've read books, i've done research, i've talked to pastors and friends and yet i still struggle. So i am opening up and crying out to God that I can't do this on my own. And i am asking for your prayers of support and understanding as i deal with this.
I'm tired of hurting my family and my God. I'm tired of hiding my shame, i'm tired of the guilt. So i give myself over to God and i give this struggle over to God because i know that only with Him and through Him i can overcome this.
Matthew 5:27-28 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
In Love
Jaime Whosoever
