What do you see?

Met this man at lunch today. His name is Jim. i know this because i spoke to him. He told me that back in 05 he was making more than enough to live. By 2010 he was outta business. Now ignore the sign fr a second. Look at the man behind the sign. A man down on his luck jus trying to get by.

Fr me personally this was a very humbling experience. It was a reminder of how blessed i am and how lucky i am to have all that i have, but it also reminded me that it could all be gone in a second. Its a reminder to not get caught up in the materialism that this world pushes down our throats but to those of us that are blessed let us b a blessing to others. For those of us that have plenty let us be willing to share with those that have little or none. I pray jim gets back on his feet and ill b more than happy to offer any help i can.

God Bless in Christ

Jaime Whosoever

Matthew 25:34-40 (NKJV)

"Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.’ “Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’"

For Shame

So i'm back, and i guess God knows what He's doing. It's funny. I had a post all written up, almost completed and was going to finish it. At the same time though, i could feel that God was calling me to write this post as well. I had a couple of drafts already started to come back to the blog, one almost done and one blank. So i was going to try and delete the blank post, and i deleted the other one by "accident." The reason i say "accident" is because i'm not really sure it was one. I'm pretty sure that this is what God intended all along.

Anyways, as you can see this post is called For Shame. This is going to be another hard topic for me to write about, and for some of you, it may be pretty hard to read, but this is what God has put on my heart.

So no beating around the bush, this post is about pornography and my struggle with it. If you were to ask any man, i would say that 99.9% of them would openly admit to watching porn. Of the other .1%, i would say that probably half of them are lying and the other half are not. For most men, married or not, there is nothing wrong with this. There is no shame, there is no guilt. It's just something that they do.

For me, as a Christian, it is a sin. For me, it is something that i do not want to do. For me it is a struggle, a fight, a battle that has been fought for years. Unfortunately, for me it is also a battle that i lose....a lot. Temptation is always out there for men. From pictures to movies to books to magazines to jokes with friends. All of these things can trigger sexual thoughts that lead to searching out pornography. And once those thoughts are there, they are almost impossible to get rid of.

That is why i am writing post. Because I'm tired of the struggle. I'm tired of the battle. I've prayed, i've confessed, i've read my bible, i've prayed some more and yet still i stumble. I've read books, i've done research, i've talked to pastors and friends and yet i still struggle. So i am opening up and crying out to God that I can't do this on my own. And i am asking for your prayers of support and understanding as i deal with this.

I'm tired of hurting my family and my God. I'm tired of hiding my shame, i'm tired of the guilt. So i give myself over to God and i give this struggle over to God because i know that only with Him and through Him i can overcome this.

Matthew 5:27-28 27 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to desire her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

In Love

Jaime Whosoever

Doing Good

You know, today i read something in my email, and it really got me thinking. The scripture was Matthew 4:23, "And He (Jesus) healed every kind of illness", and afterwards was a question. "Do you focus on doing good for people?" This question really got me thinking. I've read the gospels many times, and every time i've seen Jesus heal the sick and lame and demon possessed. I've always seen the miracles in his healing, and i've always seen his willingness and desire to heal, but i always missed the good deed itself. Or maybe i saw it, but never thought about it as a good deed. I guess i always tended to focus on the miracle and the results of the miracle and bypass the fact that, hey that's a nice thing to do, that's a good deed.

I remember a time i was living in San Diego, (how i loved it there), and i was out to lunch with a group of friends after church one day. We were waiting patiently to be seated, and i just happened to be by the door. Now it being lunchtime on a sunday, the restaurant was rather busy. People were constantly going in and out. Since i was standing by the door, every time someone would walk towards the door, i would quietly and politely open it so they could walk through. Now several people walked through, most of them not even giving me a glance, and maybe one said thank you.

A short time later, a friend of mine asked why i kept holding the door open. She told me she used to do that for people, but she never got a thank you, a smile, or even an acknowledgement. People would walk on by completely ignoring her gesture, so she quit doing it, she said. I responded by telling her, "I don't hold the door for people to get a thank you. I hold the door open because its the polite thing to do." Now i know it's not healing someone who is sick, but i'm pretty sure this still counts as a good deed right? I mean if nothing else, i'm sure it's something Jesus would have done.

And now i find myself desiring that attitude, that spirit, that heart again. You know, to buy somebody a coffee, or a meal, or just hold a door for them. You know, maybe pull through a drive thru and pay for the person behind me as well, or pay for 2 drinks and let the cashier know i just bought the next person's beverage. Too many times, i find myself wishing people a nice day, or a good day, but i don't do anything to make their day any better, nor do i show any sincere interest in what they are going through. This has to change. We are called to serve. We are called to love, and it's a lot easier to show God's love through our actions, it's a lot easier to show that we care through our actions. So let our actions show God's love first, and let our words come second.

Galatians 6:9-10 - 9 And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. 10 So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.

In God's everlasting Love,

Jaime Whosoever

Those in Power

You know, i've been thinking a lot lately. With everything going on in the political world from gay marriages, to gun laws, to anti religious lawsuits, and the boston bombings, it's kinda been a whirlwind of drama. On top of that, there is the government sequester forcing budget cuts across so many areas. I have friends who are being forced to take time off. In all of this, i hear people bashing our president bashing our government and bashing everything else in between.

I'll admit, too, that i was one of the bashers, (i mean, really, who hasn't been?) I've disagreed with a lot of things, i've supported just as many different things, and i've sat and debated with countless people about how good or bad a job our government is doing, and what they should and shouldn't be doing to make things better or worse. As i've been growing closer to God though, and been studying and praying, God has put it on my heart to stop the bashing. He wants me to stop the criticizing, the blaming, and the senseless chatter. God is telling me to stop the nonsense and obey His commands. By obeying his commands that means to obey the government. If you know your bible, then you know that in Romans 13:1, it says to "Let every soul be subject to the governing authority."

Now, at the same time though, while this is telling me to obey my government, I need to remember that God's law trumps any of man's law. The apostles state in the books of Acts "We ought to obey God rather than men." If the government passes a law saying I cannot pray in public, but God calls me to pray, then i will pray. If I'm told by the government i cannot preach, but God calls me to preach then i will preach. Fortunately, we aren't at the point, yet, but i fear we may be getting closer by the day.

Regardless, we are to obey and respect our government, even if we disagree with what they choose to believe. Can we stand up for what we believe in? Sure, but there is no need to bash and trash and blame the government that has been appointed by God. We are also to pray for our leaders, the same way we pray for our friends and our enemies. God has put this on my heart for some time now, and I will do my best to obey God. This means no more speeding, no more rolling stops, no more racing to "beat" red lights, as well as no more griping when paying taxes, or complaining when i don't agree with something my elected officials decide, and if you see me doing any of things feel free to call me on it, knowing that i will do the same for you if necessary.

Romans 13:1-7 - Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. 2 Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. 4 For he is God’s minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. 5 Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience’ sake. 6 For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God’s ministers attending continually to this very thing. 7 Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.

In God's Love,

Jaime Whosoever

Letting Go

Before i begin this, I want you to know this may be a hard read. The reason i'm saying that is because this is hard for me to write. As hard as it is though, i feel like this is the right thing to do. This is what God wants me to share and in turn let go. This is the story of the worst and hardest time of my life, my struggles and my pains.

This took place at the end of 2003 and carried over into 2004. I had just graduated college and moved back home. Fortunately, i found a good job, was making good money, (for a college graduate in the valley) and gaining "valuable" work experience. I was also drinking regularly and partying every weekend with my friends. I admit that i wasn't walking with the Lord at the time, and had in fact pretty much turned my back on God. I figured I was doing fine on my own, and there wasn't much I needed him for. Boy was i wrong.

After 2 months i lost that "awesome" job, and the only source of income that i had. But that didn't stop me from partying. That didn't stop me from drinking, but boy i wish it had. Not a couple of months later, i was my usual happy go lucky self, out with friends drinking, partying and not caring. This, i think, is where the trouble started. One night while out at a house party with friends, I met this guy. He was a cool guy, and very openly gay, but i didn't care. So we kept drinking and partying, and then before i know what's happening this guy has me on the floor of the bathroom. I didn't know what was happening, but i definitely didn't like it. All i'll say is this. He took advantage of me that night, and he did things to me, violated me.

After that night, i didn't care about life anymore. I hated God, i hated myself, and i hated the world. I was ready to end it all. I got into drugs, (though only for a short while), and I drank constantly. Eventually my hate turned to apathy. I stopped caring about anything. I was still at home but never really there. There were so many nights that i wanted to grab the shotgun out of the gun locker in the hall and put it to my head. I wanted to give up. I wanted to run away. I wanted to just go away. I was tired of being a burden, i was tired of letting everyone down, i was tired of hurting.

Something happened, though. On the day that i reached my breaking point, something happened. I was done, my bags were packed, i was leaving, not knowing where i was going, but i was leaving. So i get in my car, turn the key, and nothing. Click, click, click. My car wouldn't start. My battery was dead. By the time i was able to get it working, i had given up all hope of going anywhere. I'd given up hope on everything. And yet somehow, 9 years later, i look back and i realize God never gave up on me. Later that year, still in a haze of numbness, I met my future wife. It was exactly a year after things went to hell for me that they started to turn back around. I had hit rock bottom, and God was pulling me back up without my ever knowing it. Now here i stand, a beautiful wife, 2 amazingly incredible miraculous young boys, and a relationship with the Lord that is stronger than ever.

Now i don't want people to read this and feel sorry for me. I know that i don't feel sorry for myself. At least not anymore. God has worked on my heart and shown me things and helped me to forgive the people that have hurt me. And now, with this, i believe it is time for me to let this go. I give it up to the Lord. It is no longer my pain, no longer my burden to carry. I give it all to God.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

In God's loving peace,

Jaime Whosoever

Hard Truth

After everything that has happened this week, we again realize how short life is, how important loved ones are, how real the threat of terrorism still is and how important God is in all of this. At least that's what i've realized. I've also realized some harder truths.

When i first heard about the bombings in Boston, the first thing i thought was terrorists, i'm sure most people did. The most obvious question was, is this foreign terrorists, i.e. taliban, n. korea, or was this domestic terrorism a la timothy mcvey, unibomber, d.c. sniper? Then while these questions were going through my head, there were reports of poisoned mail to the president and congressmen. And then there was waco fertilizer booms. What kind of crazy world do we live in right? So all these thoughts are going through our heads, terrorists, assassination attempts, crazy! As the news reported people were angry! Then to find out that a child was killed in Boston? Super angry!

As i'm sure everyone else thought, I began thinking and hoping they would find the dude or dudes that did this and kill them. You know make them pay. Then as the anger slowly begins to subside the feelings turn to who was he working with. Now its, don't kill him, keep him alive and find out who he's working for. At the same time, in my head i was thinking, death is too easy for this guy. Make him suffer. Make him pay for all the people injured, the one's who lost limbs, the ones whose lives were taken so quickly. Of course he's going to want to die, so that way he can't talk, but that's the cowards way out right? Blow people up, make them suffer then end your life before anything else can happen to you, and in your country or culture or beliefs, you're either a hero or a martyr. I'll admit that made me angry.

But now I've come to face some hard truths. I know whoever is reading this may become very angry with what i'm about to say, but hear me out. Just listen to what i have to say, please. I feel sorry for these guys, for many reasons. And i want to say that i forgive them for what they did. I know not everyone will be able to but, i'm not asking everyone too. Again, just hear me out. We don't know how these boys were raised, what their lives were like, what kind of culture they lived in. I don't know what they believed in their hearts. I don't know why they chose to kill people.

I do know this though. My God still loves them. My God still forgives them. My God's heart is broken not just because of all the lives lost in the bombing, but for them as well. And if they die without knowing my Lord they are going to spend eternity in hell. I know most will say they deserve it, but guess what so do i. I may have never killed anyone, and i never hope to either, but i'm still a sinner. And without God's grace, i'd be right next to them in hell. But my God doesn't want that for anyone. My God's desire is that none would perish, but all would come to repentance (2 Peter 3:9). Even these two guys. And I have the same desire. It breaks my heart to know that not everyone will be in heaven one day. Now i'm not saying they shouldn't be punished for what they did, because they absolutely should, but I don't believe that punishment should be an eternity apart from God. Though i think we all deserve this, I'm thankful for a great graceful loving and forgiving God, who gives us the choice to be with Him. In the end, I will pray for these men and their family just as much as i pray for the victims of these tragedies, because i love my God and that is what he has asked me to do.

Matthew 5:43-48 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

In God's Love,

Jaime Whosoever

Insignificant...or am I?

Interesting day today. As i read my bible during my lunch break i hit a few verses that really made me think. Now before i get into that, have you ever thought about yourself in comparison to the earth? I mean really stop and think about it. You are a single person mostly in a town of thousands, some of you a few million even. Now on top of that, you are also in a country of a few hundred million. That same country is a couple thousand miles wide. And that country is part of a world that is made of approximately 70 percent water. We are rather small in this world aren't we? Just a speck on a giant floating mass. Now that giant floating mass is orbiting an even bigger mass in a galaxy made up of thousands of solar systems. And that galaxy is part of a Universe made up of an endless number of galaxies, black holes, stars, and stuff we have never even heard of. Compared to all of that we are not even a speck of dust!

Now imagine that same universe. That same universe is either several thousand years old or several billions of years old depending on who you ask. Regardless, its really old, and it has a beginning. Most of us have been on it for 30 years give or take a few. Again we are not even a blink in the eye of time. And chances are almost none of us will ever be remembered in the history books aside from birth and death records.

Now after all that, the never ending universe and the beginning of time, there is a God that created that universe. There is a God that was there before there was time. He created the universe and everything in it. He put all the stars in their place. He created our solar system, our earth and every living thing on it. He was there when time began, and He will be there when our time ends and He is bigger than all of that.

Now that right there completely boggles my mind. I try to comprehend his infinite being and my brain fries. I try to imagine a time before time and my brain turns to mush. I cannot grasp this concept of infinity. Now trying to imagine a God that is greater than all of that? I may as well be a vegetable my brain is so far gone.

The thing that absolutely blows my mind after all of that, though, is that though God is that great and that grand and that big, and i am so minute, and so insignificant that i may as well not exist, He loves me!!! He knows me! According to His word, He has known me since before the beginning of time. He doesn't just know about me either. He thinks about me, constantly! He knows me so well, He knows the number of hairs on my head! He knows my thoughts, He knows my heart, He knows everything i've ever done and He knows everything i will ever do, good and bad, and He still loves me! After all that, he still sent His son to die for me! It's truly amazing. He knows all of us this way! Mind boggling!!!! Wow!!! So am i so insignificant? Not in God's eyes.

Psalm 8:3-5 When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, What is man that You are mindful of him, And the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

In Love,

Jaime Whosoever

So much to say

Wow. Thats all i can say for now. It's been almost 2 months since the last time i posted on here, but i'm back and what a day to be back indeed. If you've seen the news at all, and even if you haven't, i'm sure that you've heard about the bombings in boston. Such a terrible thing to happen. So sad to lose even the 2 lifes, especially the child. I'm still in shock about something like that happening. At the same time, i think about a statistic i saw today on twitter. 3 bombings in Boston, 18(!) in baghdad. Now i am in no way trying to diminish the tragedy that happened here today, but i know that in other parts of the world things like this happen on a regular basis. It is no less tragic but, still imagine living in a country where every day that you step outside you risk being killed by an explosion.

On top of that, i've seen some crazy posts on facebook and twitter about all this. Most of it being prayers, but a couple posts calling people out. One man, mattie montgomery calls on the people of this nation. He finds it so amazing that the same people that blast and belittle and doubt and deny God during any other normal day suddenly cry out for prayers in this time of tragedy. I know this may have irked many people, but I know he did not mean to offend. I agree with him and what he said, and i applaud him for having the courage to say it.

It is true how so many people ignore God when everything is hunky dory but the moment something bad happens they call on God for help. The sad thing is that many of the people choose to call themselves christians. What we need to remember though, is that God is not here to cater to us. He's not here to make our lives easier, He is there for us to serve Him! We are to pray to Him, to worship Him, to trust Him, to cry out to Him and to serve Him in everything we do.

This is something that i found out again for the umpteenth time. I again was knocked on my rear by trying to do things on my own. I sinned against God by believing i could get by on my own, by trusting in myself, and only turning to Him when i felt necessary. The worst part is, He called me to serve, and believing i knew what to do, i ignored his instruction, i put my trust in myself, and i was overtaken by the enemy. I was dragged down, beaten, tempted, and made to doubt and sin. I know that God let this happen to me, and i definitely learned my lesson....again. Now hopefully i can put all my trust in Him, turn to Him first, and quit relying on myself.

I am a child of God, and I serve Him, in good times and in bad. I call to the Lord, knowing that as long as i turn to Him, i can never go wrong. So again, i devote my heart and my life to the Lord, to do His will, and grow in Him.

Forever his servant,

Jaime Whosoever

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that Whosoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.

The Honest Truth

Okay, so today is going to be a little bit different. Its February 22nd. Approximately 7 and a half weeks have passed since i started this blog, and you know what? Not much has changed. Aside from the naps growing out of my head, everything is the same.

I want to say things have changed but they haven't. I don't read my bible. i hardly ever pray. I haven't been to church since last August. And yet i put up this front about how I'm a good christian, and i'm getting better and things are so much better. Honestly, i feel like the fakest christian out there. I'm putting up fronts to make people think i'm all hardcore, when in reality, i'm just a punk.

Okay, now that that angry rant is out, i've got some confessions to make. I've got issues. Today i let my anger get the best of me, over something completely stupid and superficial. I did everything that Jesus would have warned me not to do, all for something stupid. Everything that happened, i deserved, i brought upon myself, and i had no reason to react the way that i did.

On top of that, i'm still the same lazy selfish person that i've been trying to change. So what do i do? How do i change? Sometimes, i feel like saying screw it and quit trying to change. Fortunately, i've got enough brains not to do that. I know that as long as i trust in God, He can change me. The question i need to figure out now is how do i let go?

Simply put, i've got a lot of issues. I've got a lot of things i need to change. I know i'll never be a perfect father, i know i'll never be a perfect husband, shoot i'll never even come close. I'm okay with that though. I don't want to be perfect, i just want to be the man, the father, the husband that God knows i can be.

I'm tired of being fake.

J

Ready to Serve

Wow, how long has it been since i've been on here? Can't have been more than a couple of weeks right? Feels like forever. Well today might just be a bunch of random rants because i've got so many things on my mind, from the news and from the other news, and from whats on my heart. I just pray that the Lord guides my words and my fingers as i type this all out.

You know, i've made a lot of mistakes. Nothing surprising there, as i'm not perfect, obviously. The thing of it is, i've learned that my mistakes don't just affect me, but those around me. The ones that i love can sometimes be hurt just as much, if not more than i've hurt myself. The important thing obviously is that i learn from my mistakes, confess, and ask for forgiveness. Now i know that not everyone is going to forgive me all the time, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that i attempt to make peace and knowing that the Lord my God is faithful to forgive me. As for anyone that i may have hurt, knowingly or not, i apologize and i hope you can forgive me.

Now for the other things. Like i said, i've made my mistakes, but i've asked the Lord for forgivenss. But i've done more than just asked for forgiveness. I've chosen to repent. I've chosen to submit myself fully to the Lord, and live my life for Him, serving Him in all i do. No more trying, no more struggling, but hopefully 100 percent submission. You see, we can try all we want, but we can never, NEVER succeed on our own. Fortunately, we don't have to try. The Lord is my strength. The Lord is my life, the Lord is everything that i could never do, that i could never be on my own.

Now i'm not saying i'm going to be rich famous and always happy. No, but i will be content. I will have everlasting joy. As long as i continue to do the Lord's will he will give me peace, peace of mind, peace of soul. The important thing is to keep my focus on God, and stay in his will. Now the question is, what is the Lord's will for my life? Obviously, aside from serving Him, my priority is serving my family, taking care of them and raising them up in the Lord. But I know the Lord also has something else that he wants me to do. I can feel it, deep down, i can feel the desire to serve the Lord, i just don't quite know how or where yet.

I guess all i can do right now is pray and be patient. I will continue to pray and take care of my family, and i will continue to serve the Lord in all the things that i do. And i will wait patiently, remainiing continually in prayer until the Lord reveals his will for me. And regardless of how crazy it may seem, how scary it may sound, i am willing and ready to step out in faith knowing that the Lord is with me, that I am doing His will. Now all of you that are reading this, i would ask that you pray for me. Knowing that i am stepping out in faith, knowing that i am ready and willing to serve the Lord, i know the enemy will try to stop me every chance he gets. He will throw temptations in my face, distractions, problems, troubles, chaos. Pray that i would stay strong and not stray from the path the Lord has set before me. So here's to stepping out in faith, whenever and wherever the Lord calls.

In faith,

Average James

1 month later

So its been a month since i started my dreads, as well as starting up this blog again (after several failed attempts.) So as you can see my hair, compared to a month ago, looks pretty freaking nappy. But i have to admit that as bad as it looks, its getting there. It may not look it in the picture but its starting to dread.

I've finally managed to let it go to do its thing. That was one of the hardest parts. Ignoring it, leaving it alone, trying to rush it along. None of it worked in making it dread any faster, and in some cases, i think it may have made parts of it worse. But its slow and steady to win the race.

You know this reminds me of my walk with the Lord as well. I've been trying to change, trying to be a better man, a better husband, a better father. I've discovered that the harder i tried in the beginning the worse things got. The more i tried to change, the more i stayed the same. Now with that said, i haven't given up, at least not in the obvious sense. No, what i've done is given it over to God. I've realized i'll never be able to change on my own.

I'll never be able to be a "good" person. I'll never be able to be the man that i want to be. So in a sense i've given up. I've given myself over to God, and what i've found out is that the less i try, the more i change. The less i try, with try being the key word. We can try all we want, but we will never succeed. But with God all things are impossible. Jesus clearly says so in the gospels. Now i'm not saying don't do anything. I'm not saying to give up and expect God to do everything for you. But quit trying to change. Instead, read the bible, pray, and be open to the Lord working on your heart and mind.

Speaking of reading the bible and praying, I'll have to admit, i haven't been as adamant as i would have hoped. I try to pray regularly, in fact it try to remain in constant prayer, but the bible reading has not really started up the way i had planned. I admit i've dropped the ball on that part. But hopefully soon, i can post differently. I just pray for the Lord to keep changing my heart and mind, and that He would give me the desire, the want to read the bible, to study His word and to learn it. The Lord says that if we have faith the size of a mustard seed we could move mountains. Well i want that kind of faith. Lets see how it turns out.

In constant prayer,

Average James

Change

Change is a difficult thing isn't it? When you've lived your life the same way for so many years, trying to change is nearly impossible, especially when you are surrounded by the same environment that has helped to shape the person that you are. How do you stop doing everything that you know?
This is the challenge when choosing to follow Christ. He calls you to be different, to be not of this world. That means when all your friends are getting drunk, you are staying sober, when they are looking at women and ogling them and talking about them you are keeping quiet or if you are strong enough, telling them not to. When they are making lewd jokes and swearing you are choosing not to participate, or better yet you are walking away.
So how do you do this? How do you just quit behaving the way that you are so used to? I know i can't do it. Every day i wake up and think that today is going to be different. I'm not going to take part in these actions, these actions that i know God would not approve of. And every day i find myself wishing i were stronger. Wishing i could actually change.
I guess this is another lesson from God. I can't change. I'll never be strong enough to change. But if i let Him, he can change me, from the inside out. You see that's where the real change needs to start. Inside ourselves. If we can't change our thoughts, if we can't change our heart, then all the "good deeds" we do are worthless. Jesus mentions this in Matthew 23:27 when he is speaking to the Pharisees. He calls them out as hypocrites, declaring them white washed tombs. They are beautiful on the outside but full of dead men's bones and uncleanliness on the inside.
So we need to realize, I need to realized that only God can change what's on the inside, and He can only change it if I choose to let Him in. So Lord today i let you in, i pray that you would change my heart, and change my mind. Give me a forgiving heart, and a clean and righteous spirit. Lord be my strength, that i may rely on You always.
In Jesus Name,
Average James

On a side note, i'm going to be trying something else also. In order for the Lord to strengthen us, we need to be in fellowship with Him. So with that said, i am going to try and be in constant prayer and study of the Word. As i do, i will use this blog to keep me accountable, and share the things that the Lord has revealed to me. Wish me luck and please keep me in your prayers.

Who I Am

Well its been a couple of weeks since i posted on here and it kinda sucks. I was doing so well in the beginning. Again distractions are the main cause. But anyways i'm back to writing away. This one is a little different today though. This is who I am.

I am a Christian. Born again, by the grace of God. I am not perfect, i've never claimed to be. I am just like you, and every other person in this world. I am a sinner that has been saved by grace. I don't have all the answers, and I've never claimed to. I do claim to be better than you, i'm not holier than thou, in fact i probably struggle with things more now than before. But i am saved by the grace of God, just like He promised.

I believe that I was born a sinner just like everyone else. I believe that if not for the love of God and the sacrifice of Jesus Christ i would go to hell just like everyone else. I believe that the reason i am not going to hell has nothing to do with being a "good person." There are no good people. We are all sinners, we are all separated from God. I believe that God requires perfection to get into heaven and there is not a single person on this earth that meets that requirement, which is why Christ died on the cross for us.

I believe that the bible is the divinely inspired word of God. And because i believe the bible, i believe that there is only 1 God. I believe that there is only 1 way to go to heaven, and that way is through Jesus Christ. That may sound narrow minded but it is what the bible says, it is what God says.

With all that being said, i believe that the hardest part of being a Christian is staying true to the word of God. Staying devoted. I know i need to read my bible, i know I need to pray. I know i need to go to church and be in fellowship. I also need to watch what i say, what i watch what i listen to. I need to be wary of those around me. It is too easy to fall back into old ways, to get back into old habits. Making crude jokes, allowing anger, envy, jealousy to creep in, and turning away.

But i am human, and we all make mistakes. We all are tempted and we all stumble and fall. What i need to remember is that i need to get back up, turn back to the Lord and give it all to Him. No matter how hard we struggle, no matter how hard we fight, no matter what we try to do, we can never overcome ourselves or our sin without God.

So this is me giving it all back to God, kneeling before his throne, and submitting to Him. I can never win, but that's okay because i don't have to. God has already won. I just need to remember that when i try to fight on my own. Well til next time,

Faithfully submitting,

Average James

p.s. Karla God Bless You & I love you. :)

Distractions

Wow. Its amazing how quickly things can change. One second I'm doing the will of the Lord, serving him, humbling myself, working hard, the next minute i'm slow, lazy, and losing sight of my goals. I'm suffering, i'm wondering where i'm going, i'm wandering down the wrong path.

Distractions can be a dangerous thing. They can cause you to stumble, lose focus, get lost, and so many other bad things. Distractions can cause you to sink, just like Peter when he was walking on the water with Jesus. When he first stepped out of the boat, he had his eyes on the Lord. He was walking to the Lord after he was called to by Him. But once he got out there he realized what he was doing, where he was at. He began to look around, see his surroundings and when he took his eyes of Jesus, he began to sink.

I too, took my eyes off the Lord. I was so excited with what i was doing that i forgot why i was doing it. I allowed satan to distract me. I allowed temptation to overcome me and i took my eyes off the Lord. In that split second everything changed. My drive was gone, my motivation, but most importantly, i couldn't feel the Lord as strongly as before. I lost my focus on Him, and started focusing on the world again and i didn't like it.

Thank the Lord that he doesn't leave us to our follies. He calls us back. He lifts us out of the water. He returns our focus back to Him that way we can continue to serve Him. I'm glad he pulled me back. I'm glad He lifted me up, kept me from drowning. Hopefully i can keep my eyes on Him and continue to serve Him.

On a different note, He has me showed me something else. I began dreading my hair as a reminder to be humble, and selfless. An outward portrayal of what i want to be and how i want to be. But since i've had them i've been covering them up. In the same way, i've kinda been hiding my faith. It feels like i hide my dreads out of fear of what people might say or think, and in a way that has been represnting my faith. No more hiding. I want to stand up for the Lord and not be ashamed. Not be afraid of what others think. I want to stand for Christ. I have no reason to be ashamed.
Til next time God bless.

Standing in faith,

Average James

Stepping Out

So today was an interesting day. If you've been following my previous posts recently, you can see that i've been trying to serve the Lord and be in His will. Well today, i believe i did God's will. It was actually a rather interesting experience. You see i went out to lunch today, and i went to wild wings. The thing is, i don't like to go out to eat by myself. I feel like a weirdo. I feel like i stand out. I feel like everyone is staring at me thinking look at that loser eating lunch by himself. The interesting thing about eating lunch by myself, though was that it gave me a lot of time to think and i behaved did things that i may not have normally done had i had company.

I have to admit, i felt kinda weird speaking to the waitress, especially when she would keep coming up and asking me if everything was okay and if i needed anything. I know she was doing her job, but it just kinda made me feel uncomfortable. Anyways, as i sat there listening to the drone of random conversations and listening more intensely on my thoughts, i felt something in my heart. It might also have been the flyleaf video that came on in the middle of the country music, but i felt something in my heart. Basically long story short, when i paid my bill, i left a small message on the receipt. It said "God Bless John 3:16 Whosoever".

Now i've never been one to leave notes, messages or thanks, aside from a quick thank you as i leave. Shoot i barely have enough courage to order my food and talk to the server to ask for something as trivial as a refill. But for some reason, today, i felt like God had a message for this waitress. Whether she knows Him or not, or whether she seeks the verse out, i believe that this is the message God wanted me to leave for her. So being the obedient servant that i'm trying to be i stepped out in faith. Granted i practically ran out of the restaurant after i wrote that, i wrote it nonetheless.

I wrote it because i believe in my heart that God wanted me to pass along that message. I have to admit its a strange feeling when you can hear the Lord speaking to you, but it gets easier as it gets quieter. Thats one of the things i noticed. That if you can be still and be quiet you can hear the Lord a lot easier. The other thing that i learned is that if the Lord calls on you to step out in faith, the best thing you can do is take that step.

Stepping out in faith God Bless,

Average James

Who's the Boss?

So yesterday i was out cleaning my yard getting things straightened up a bit, and the way things are going this year, i began thinking about a bible verse. Colossians 3:23-24 "23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for[a] you serve the Lord Christ."

As i began thinking about this verse, i kept being reminded of sermons i've heard on these verses about working. What everyone always says is, imagine God is your boss. Now if God is your boss, are you going to go through the motions and do just enough to get by or are you going to give it your all? Granted some of us will still only go through the motions, and thats disappointing.

But as i was thinking this, i began to think, okay, what if this was God's yard and I was his gardener? Would He want his yard to look messy? Would he want to see trash, dirt and junk lying around His yard or would he want it to look nice and respectable? I would think God would want His yard to look beautiful, to be clean and organized. So i did everything i could to straighten up my yard to what i think He would hope it would like. Later i came inside and saw dishes in the sink and the kitchen kinda messy. My first thought, is this how God would keep his kitchen? So i did what i could to clean and organize the kitchen as best i could.

My point is this, I've never really taken pride in anything. I am not a proud person in the sinful way of pride, but nor do i offer up much in terms of appearance. My hair is never combed, and my clothes are usually faded and/or torn. And as for my personal belongings, i don't really take care of that stuff either. I have it, its there, if it works, great, if not oh well. But with this verse, every time i do something, or i have something, i now try to ask myself, is this how the Lord would want it to look? Is this how God would take care of it? Am i giving 100% of my time and energy? Knowing that God is my boss, am i an employee worthy of praise? So now everything that i do, i do for Him, to bring Him honor and glory. Everything that i have belongs to God, and no matter where i work i work for Him. And because i work for him, and take care of his things, I will give him my 100%.

Til next time God Bless

Average James

Goals Updated

So since this is a new year and a new beginning, I'm going to review my goals and "update" them. Back in 2010 i created a list of goals that i wanted to accomplish. They were mostly personal, some regarding my family, but overall they were simple, random goals.

This year my goals are different. In fact, there is only one goal that i wish to accomplish this year. It has nothing to do with videogames, work, weight loss, weight gain, travel, or anything else like that. No this year, my goal is to serve the Lord. Everything else that i wish to accomplish will be accomplished if i can do this one thing.

I want to be a better father, a better husband, a better man, and a better person all around. I want to be more humble, more selfless, more patient, slow to anger, quick to forgive, I want to be at peace with myself and my surroundings, and rather than try to accomplish all these goals individually, I am going to focus on serving the Lord, with great awe and fear, and know that as i serve Him, he will change me, mold me and conform me to His will.

Besides, by serving the Lord, all these things are accomplished anyways, because these are the things, as well as countless others that we are commanded to do. I want to serve Him because I love Him and i want to be in His will. I want the peace of the Lord upon me, and the joy of the Lord within me, that He might use me to share His love and His light with others. I have faith that He will use me, and I look forward to serving the Lord my God.

Well, til next time, farewell and God Bless,

Average James

New Year New beginnings

As part of new year and new beginnings, a new do. Dreads started today and hopefully i can update in a month or so after they've really begun to set in.

Now i have several reasons for doing dreads, none of which is because they are cool trendy or "in." I believe that dreadlocks are a symbol of humility and selflessness. They are a reminder to me to be humble, to be selfless and to put others before myself. They are, in my eyes, a symbol of servitude, and to me servitude to the Lord.

Another thing they represent in my eyes is patience. In order for my dreads to set properly, i have to leave them alone. I can't be messing with them constantly, i can't be playing with them or hurrying them along. They are going to set in their time, and nothing i can do can really speed that process along. In fact many things that i would do actually slow the process down. So i have to wait patiently while they do their thing.

I also have to accept that, for a time, they may look funny, funky, crappy, weird, and/or all of the above. I have to be willing to look past this and accept that it is what it is and the final product will be awesome. Kinda like what God does with us. He shapes us molds us, breaks us, teases twists and crumples us, all in the process of making us more Godly and more Christlike. So here's to the beginning of one of my many adventures in this new year.

God Bless and Happy New Year,

Average James