Goals

So i'm still working towards my goals. I'm also trying to figure out how to bring others to life. I've kinda stalled on my book since completing chapter 1, but that was mostly due to a very hectic work schedule. I did beat teenage mutant ninja turtles though, although it wasn't exactly how i said i was going to. I kinda cheated. On the last level i browsed a walkthrough, i didn't study it, i just skimmed through it, and because i was playing on an emulator i used a lot of save state files. So i kinda loaded and reloaded regularly. But at least i beat the game, and now that i know how to beat it, i believe i can play it all the way through and beat it without save files.

I'm also almost to my goal of losing 30 lbs. I need about 10 more pounds to go as i am now at 198. If i can lose the next ten in the next month, i'll be totally super stoked. My workouts are going. I took a much needed break, which i explain on my other blog. 20by11.blogspot.com but it was well worth it. Thats about all i've accomplished so far, but i'm still trying. Wish me luck.

thanks

J

Chapter 1 complete

So as i stated earlier, I began work on a new book earlier. I am proud to announce that i have finished the first chapter. It took a little while to get it done, but it is completed. I admit i had some cases of writers block but i'm managing to fight my way through it and continuing. I don't think the first draft is going to be very long but it will get done. I have a great feeling about this story and i think i can get it done. I'm really looking forward to see how it turns out! On to chapter 2.

Sincerely,

Mr. E. Nigma

Starting

I have now taken the first steps to completing one of my goals. I started writing. Like i said, i want to write a book and, especially after reading several books recently, feel even more inspired to write. The funny thing is, i'm actually writing everything out. I have a little composite journal that i'm carrying around and writing whenever i get the opportunity. I'm not going to give away any details though. I just hope it turns out as good as i think it can. Its gonna be a long journey but thats where all the fun is. Life is about the destination, its about the journey to get there right? So now this journey begins.

Jaime

Searching for Myself

I don’t know exactly when it happened. I didn’t feel the change, I didn’t feel any different, any emptier, any sadder. I didn’t feel anything at all. But I do know that somehow somewhere I lost myself. I lost more than myself. I lost my identity, my sense of self, my desires, my dreams. Things changed. Life was no longer about living, but about just going through the motions. It became a routine. It’s not a set routine. Things change throughout from day to day, but it feels like living itself has become a routine. Wake up, live life. Eat, breathe, work, come home, sleep and do it all over again. I can’t lie, sometimes I feel hints of emotion. There are times that I feel alive.

I don’t want to say that I don't feel, because I don’t think I ever lost the ability to feel. That is still there, just different somehow. I know that there is something missing in my life though. There is something that I desire that I just can’t seem to grasp. It’s something that I’m searching for, I just don’t know exactly what it is. I go online desiring something and once I get there I forget what it was I was looking for. I feel like doing something and I get ready to go do whatever it is I desire but when I go to do this thing, I don’t forget, I could never quite figure out what it was to begin with.

I think the change started in high school. I lost the desire to dream…no, not quite. I didn’t lose the desire to dream, I never found the drive to pursue the dreams that I had. Even now, I know that I can do more, I know that I can be better, but I can’t figure out how to get there. As I got older it got worse. High school was, not a bore, but I couldn’t figure out where I was going. And now that I’ve been out of high school for ten years, I feel completely lost.
I want to do more with my life. I don’t know what I want to do though. Actually that’s very wrong. I know exactly what I want to do. I just don’t know how to get there. Nor do I have any faith that I’ll ever be good enough. But being good enough shouldn’t matter should it? Sometimes I wish my life was a fantasy. I wish my life was the life that is found in books.

Anyways, like I said, I know what I want to do. I want to be a writer. But I don’t want to just be a journalist or a blogger. I want to be a novelist. I want to be an author. I want to write books. I want to tell stories and share the emotions of the different people that I feel inside my head. I want to share what I feel the way others have shared with me.

It’s an uncanny feeling to be able to feel what someone else is feeling, and yet its something that I excel at. I am flooded with other people’s emotions. There joy, there hope, their dreams, their pain, their anger, their sadness, I feel all of it almost the same way that they do. I become flooded by these emotions, and yet sometimes I struggle to find my own. Even characters in books, I can feel their emotions as easily as if I was a part of them.

It’s truly amazing to be able to reach people with the written word, and it is something that I desire so much. I want to be able to reach out into people’s minds and convey the feelings that are in my heart, the feelings that are in my mind. To be able to show them that there is hope. There is something worth fighting for. There is something to be found. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

There is a light, and every time I read a book or see a movie or hear a story about someone succeeding, it gives me hope that I too can find the light at the end of that tunnel. Right now I’m going through the motions, but I want to stop that. There comes a time where we have to make a choice. Am I going to be the person that I was meant to be? Or am I going to just be another person who quit chasing their dreams, their goals, and just settled with whatever they had? I know I can do better. I know I can reach my goals if I try. And I know that my greatest weakness, my greatest hindrance, my greatest obstacle is only myself. I have no reason to doubt, no reason to fear, no reason not to try.

I also know this. That-I don’t want to call it a thing-that desire that I’m searching for, I know what it is. I know how to get it. I know where to find it, or should I say Him. That desire is God. That desire is Jesus Christ. He is pulling on my heart, he is pulling on my mind, He is reaching out to me trying to draw me back to Him.

Now it’s up to me to turn and face Him, to turn to Him humbled, to fall on my knees, to fall on my face before him and beg for forgiveness. I know that He is King of Kings, He is Lord of Lords, He is God Almighty. And I know that He has a greater desire for me than I could ever imagine for myself. But I need to submit to Him and His will. It is up to me to turn to Him and let Him guide me. Only He can bring out my true potential.

My Personal Goals

Alright, so if i'm going to change my life i'm going to need to set some goals. So these are my goals. These are the things that I want to accomplish. Some I hope to accomplish in the near future and some of them are long term. Hopefully some day though, i can reach all of them.

My Personal Goals

Receive a PhD. -
My original goal was to graduate college again. But why settle for just graduating again? Why not take it a step further? Now my new goal that i'm going to strive for as hard as i can will be to graduate a PhD.


Survive the hot wing challenges -
Now this goal may be never ending because there are so many hot wing challenges around the country. But i want to find them all and at least try to complete them.

Build a car -
I've always loved old cars, and i've always wanted to fix one up. I don't really know a thing about cars, but i would love to learn how to restore one.

Lose 30 lbs. -
My original goal was 20 lbs. Fortunately, i'm already half way there. I'm down to about 205 and i've been working out for about a month. I'd like to lose at least an extra 10. 20 would be good, but i'd be okay with keeping some weight on as muscle mass.

Build a robot -
I'm not talking about some super hi tech bot, just something simple. Its something that me and my dad are hoping to do together. I just need to do some more research.

Write a book -
I love to read and i love to write. Right after college I started writing a novel, but i never finished it. Hopefully some day i will be able to.

Record a cd -
I'm not looking to break into the music business and get rich and famous. I'm just looking to write some songs, some music that means something to me and record it. Put on cd, or mp3, or whatever format we are using in the future.

Play in a band -
This is something that i've been trying to do since high school. I kinda got away from it for a while, but i'm not giving up on it. Again, i'm not trying to make it big or be a rock star, i just want to play on stage for a crowd.

Overcome my fear of flying -
When i was about 5, i saw the movie la bamba. It was the story of richie valens, a teenage rockstar. Unfortunately his career was cut short when he was killed in a plane crash. Now i know he wasn't flying in a big jet, but in a little prop engine plane, but since then, i've been scared of flying. I want to conquer that fear.

Beat Super Mario Bros. 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Legend of Zelda -
I know this sounds kinda funny and childish, but these are three of the greatest games ever created for the Nintendo Entertainment System. I have never beaten them, but hopefully some day, I will (without using any cheats, codes, or walkthrough's).

Now i have many more goals than this, but a lot of these goals i would love to accomplish with my wife. These will be listed a little bit later under family goals. As i think of more i will add them to my list.

New Direction

So i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. About life, about what it means, about what i've become about where i'm going. I'm starting to see things differently. Things aren't necessarily clearer. I didn't just have the world's greatest epiphany. I'm just starting to see things the way that i want to see them. I guess you could almost say i'm growing up.

I think it started with my decision to get healthy and get in shape. I'm tired of being out of shape, i'm tired of being tired. So i started working out. Things changed, my mind opened up. I feel confident. I feel more energized. I feel alive.

Then i made the decision to go see a doctor. Make sure everything is working properly. So i did that. I went and I did a bunch of tests and I saw a doctor and it felt really good seeing the doctor as well. I'm healthy and i'm happy, and everything is still functioning properly.

Now i'm starting to think about work. What i want to do. What i want to be. I'm honestly seeing that, though i enjoy my work, and i enjoy what i'm doing, it doesn't seem like the right job for me. It doesn't seem like the right field for me. I never really stopped and thought about what i wanted to do. I was always afraid that i would never figure it out.

Well like i said, i've been doing more thinking lately. I'm changing my life because i realized its never too late for change. I read a great quote on facebook too. It said "Be who you were meant to be, not who you've allowed yourself to become." That quote in and of itself really made me think. It really made me look at my life and what i've done and what i've "become," and made me question is this where i really want to be? Is this where i want my life to go?

So i've decided to make a change. Make several changes. I'm going to strive to work hard and be a better man, to be a better husband, and to be a better me. No more settling for just enough. No more wondering what i could have been. Its time for me to go out there and make my dreams come true. One step at a time, one day at a time, but its never too late. Here i go.

Jaime

last words

I wrote this a couple years ago and just found it so I thought i'd post it up here. Let me know what you think.

The day has come to bid farewell.  Farewell to all whom you have loved Farewell to your mothers and your fathers, and your husbands wives and children.  For today is the day that you go to war.  You go not because you want to, but you go because you must.  You go to protect those that you have bid farewell to, hoping that one day you shall return again to see them.  To turn and run is foolish.  You cannot escape the enemies that hunt you.  You cannot escape the fate that has called your name.  As you walk away you turn and take one last look at all that you are fighting for.  Your loved ones, your family, your friends.  Now take up your sword and your shield.  Place the iron helmet over your head and march.  March to war.  March to victory.  March to the quiet fate that has whispered your name.  What may come of this journey no one knows.  But do not fear.  For your fate has already been decided.

Hope you enjoy this.
The Nerd